|Fun fact: Before I edited this photo, you could totally see
the reflection of my boob in the glass scale.
Nip and all.
You are welcome for that imagery.
Every time I started to type it out, it just did not ring true with me. Sure it was partly true. I was ready to just enjoy myself. I was tired of tracking food. Tired of watching others enjoy all the goodies that, for the most part, I had denied myself in the past year. I wanted to be lazy and break free and just turn off the part of my brain that works so hard at keeping myself on track. However, a break for me isn’t the same as it is for others. Lack of structure and accountability are a wild, slippery slope for me.
The first leg of vacation I headed up to NYC for Blogher12. I did really well. For starters I was there representing Medifast. So how would it look if you found me in the lobby of the Hilton covered in buttercream icing? (Magnolia Bakery was just around the corner, by the way.) Through the conference and for the first 8 days or so of vacation, I minded my portions, I limited my drinking, and with the exception of my birthday dinner (Mexican and margaritas!), I let myself relax. I ate what I wanted without going too crazy. That was the first eight days.
By late Saturday I was disgusted and ready to get back on plan. I was back in that place of obsessing over what I ate, when I’d eat again, and how I’d feel after I ate it. I was cranky, sick with my cold and sick over how I’d let myself unravel, and I was tired of being worried about what the scale would read come Monday.
On Monday I was up 4.5 pounds. Everyone keeps telling me ‘that’s not that bad’. But the thing people are failing to see is my perspective. I fought so hard to get that one hundred pounds. It took FOREVER to get there. And I couldn’t even hold onto it for a week. I wasn’t worried about getting the weight back off. I was just disappointed that something I wanted so badly was given up so easily. Just like I didn’t care for the one precious body I had by making it sick with obesity, I didn’t care enough about this goal to keep it. I felt like I let myself down.
I’ve always said that I just wanted to hit the one hundred mark but didn’t expect to stay there. I just didn’t think I’d let it go so quickly. It makes me worry for my long term success. I don’t know…maybe that’s not a realistic way to think?
Every day will get easier but the finality of being in maintenance – even though I had given it much thought in the past few months and believed I was prepared – the act of being done with the regimen that has been my life for the past eighteen months was depressing and scary.
Now, I try again.
Because you know what’s especially pathetic about all of my whining? If you sat across from me and told me this story, I’d say ‘WHO CARES!’
Who cares that you gained some weight on vacation. Who cares if you ate nothing but raw sugar dipped in honey and slathered in Ranch dressing? (for the record, that didn’t actually happen.) Weight can be lost again and again. Did you enjoy it? (mostly) Then what’s the problem? As long as you got up this morning and decided to try again, everything that happened last week doesn’t matter. Because every day that you decide to try, you are that much closer to where you’d rather be. As long as you are trying, you aren’t failing.
So today I try.
I’ve been dusting myself off all week long. I’m repeating the last week of transition (1,100-1,550 calories). I’m getting back into running after taking much too long of a break because of (heat and laziness). As of today, Thursday, I’m back down to 142 (2.5lbs gone).
Month Sixteen: -5 lbs
Month Seventeen: -2 lbs
Month Eighteen: -2.5 lbs
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Medifast products and the Medifast Program are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or illness. Any medical improvements noted while on the program are related to weight loss in general, and not to Medifast products or programs.
Dogeared Jewelry is not sponsoring this giveaway and in no way endorses this site, this giveaway or the opinions in this post. The Turnip Farmer is solely responsible for this giveaway.